return my video game
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
