There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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