Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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