I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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