thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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