hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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