the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
