God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
