I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
