im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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