you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
