I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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