Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
