Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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