between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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