i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
