Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
