i barfeds in our rink
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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