now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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