I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
