i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
