why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
