I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This baby is an asshole
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
