No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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