I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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