You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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