8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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