just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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