Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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