i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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