I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
