if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
