sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
