Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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