Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
