when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
