Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I will die if light touches me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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