Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
