Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
