I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
