hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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