I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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