Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
