I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
