Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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