you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
