weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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