I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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