so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
