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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  you have failed as an in class drinking partner.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts

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• (585): View more from New York

  WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  "he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm very scared to turn around.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  It's not a walk of shame if you run

  Fav 3 100 19

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