I think my fart just growled at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
