He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
