IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
