I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
